O LITTLE TOWN OF HARROGATE

AN ARROGATE CHRISTMAS IN YORK AND MALTON

We just could not buy a white Christmas and so made the most of an off-white, sort of greyish foggy, sometimes rainy, slightly damp, occasionally cold but not real frosty Christmas just like the ones we used to know. Where the tree tops glisten, and children listen through i-pods in the car.

On Christmas eve we started with a lovely meal at Manor farm, Ryton, with Dave and Jane. This was after I had visited "A Cut Above" the Malton hair stylist for discerning farmers located on the top floor, ney attic of the Yates farm supplies emporium. The best little snipper in the North.

We travelled to Ryton via Swinton Grange to photograph the house where I was born, the house where I was bred, and the school (now a house) where I was buttered. (See Photos).

Then in the early evening we took the A64 to see the Celeb D and his wife T. After a couple of J2O's in the Bishopthorpe working dentist's club, and some sliced meat in Garbett Way, we started a foggy pilgrimage to the replica of St Peter's - Rome, in Norton for mid-night mass. The road to Damascus got lost in the fog. The vicar who gave a very good sermon announced that the Norton St Peter's Church of England had approval to dispense the sacriment to non-conformist rif raf, and so I joined Kerry and John at the kneeling rail with those who truly repent or at least those who needed to.

We arrived back in Harrogate at 2.00am, but were soon back on our Garbett Way for Christmas dinner and present opening, at the home of the York celebrity dentist.

This self same dentist who prides himself with cooking and stuffing, provided a teast of furkey, three stuffings, sour fauces, ten vegitables and a flaming plum pud in a lake of brandy sauce.

The final of the Garbett Way darts competion was also held on Christmas day, but as with the Celebrity Come Dancing final, the result will not be announced until all the votes are in, and drug testing is complete. Remember if you want to vote for John dial 01324 567 4567 28 7 2345 65 23 45 89 01543864 247687 98234 3421 7643986 21 followed by 01

On Boxing day we joined 3,640 other disciples to cheer York city to a famous 2-1 victory over the high ranking H*%*$^?>!by United. Kerry must have some reason for sitting in a freezing soccer stand and watching non-league football. Could it be Racing Withdrawal Symptoms?

Finally, today the 27th December, we visited as surrogate neighbours, our close friends Stephen and Christine Upton at 20 Yew Tree Gardens for post Christmas drinks and nibbles. And so that was Christmas and a blogging 2007 draws to a close.

VEST WE FORGET

It is a Marks and Spencer, And I purchased one of three. "By thy long shirt store and vestibule, My investment has made me free.

"The changing room doors are opened wide, And I am keen to buy; The vests all fit, the fee is low: May'st hear the merry cry."

I held them with my skinny hand, "There was a shirt," quoth he. "Hold off! unhand me, greybeard loon!" Eftsoons his hand dropt he.

I took them to the counter bar The serving girl stood still, And listened like a three years' child: The shopper hath his will.

"The vest was bought, the bus was caught, Merrily did we ride, Oxford Street and Charing Cross, And on to Leyton’s Pride.

The sun came up upon the left, Out of the sea came he! He briefly shone on Macclesfield then Went down into the sea.

"And now the Storm-blast came, And he was tyrannous and strong: He struck with his o'ertaking wings, And blew us North, where we came from.

And now there came both mist and snow And it grew wondrous cold: In Glaisdale, York, and Harrogate the winter grip took hold.

And through the shirts, the Aussie shirts, Did send a dismal sheen: Nor sign of hat nor scarfe we ken - The ice was all between.

The ice was here, the ice was there, The ice was all around: It cracked and growled, and roared and howled, Like noises in a swound!

At length I found my Marks’ vest, From Marks' bag it came; As if it had been a Christian soul, We hailed it in God's name.

It warmed the air, it warmed the feet, And round and round I knew. The ice did split with a thunder-fit; The vest had got me through!

EH UP

On Saturday we went to a Christmas Concert at the "Harrogate International", which featured the famous Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band. The Band had recently won nearly every prize in the National Band competition, which must make them the most accomplished brass band in the world.

By gum it were right grand.

As declared in blog 1, on our trip to Blighty our aim was to re-aquaint ourselves with England’s green and pleasant land and traditions: and this was certainly one of them.
We stood with the large audience of “noo theners” and sang with gusto Elgar’s Land of Hope and Glory followed by a Yorkshire version of “Ark the Erald Hangels” which I recognised instantly.
Among a wide range of music, the band played a piece from Wagner’s Lohengren which was simply amazing.

WORLD EXCLUSIVE PHOTOGRAPHS

In spite of high security, the international photographer working for this publication has secured exclusive wedding photographs of the marriage of Nick and Nicola. On December 21st at a secret location in Yorkshire, Nick and Nicola tied the knot. Only close relatives were in attendance at the ceremony, but this blog site has learned that there will be a huge celebration next year when other family members, including the "We never miss a wedding Rolls' " roll in. This blog-site and it's international readership wish Nick and Nicola every happiness in their married life.

The international photographer and his wife were given rapturous applause when they were spotted in the audience at the pantomime "Sinbad the Sailor" at the Theatre Royal, York. The lead role of Dame played by actor Berwick Kaler, and - according to sources ,close friend of society dentist John Rolls, read out a special announcement welcoming the visitors from Australia. John and his sister spent an hilarious evening "booing" at the evil alien, shouting "He's behind you" at every opportunity, then singing the Yorkshire pudding song with enormous gusto. Which all goes to prove, a missed childhood can always be recovered.

Other events of this winter season included : A night of singing at the Harrogate International Centre, entitled "Beyond the Barricades", Lunch with Audrey and Joan at the (I thought it would be famous by now) Chinese restaurant in Scarborough, and an abysmal performance at the Dick Turpin quiz night to celebrate John's **th birthday.

HORSE HAIR, HUMAN HAIR, AND THE PRICE OF MEAT

The car temperature gauge read -1 C, the barbed wire fence agreed. From where did those fence decorations appear? The answer is: from horse hairs: But how does a single horse hair produce a 1/4 inch wide strip of ice? You tell me!

Human hair! Where was the picture taken? I can tell you. In Leeds market. If you want hair, then here is the place, a veritable hairem. And if you want meat, the market is also a right shambles of cheap chops, sheep shops and cheap shots - let me tell you.

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS -- WELL NEARLY

There is evidence of Christmas everywhere. The top two photos are from the little village of Grassington in the Yorkshire (Pennine) dales. Everywhere the shops are lighting up, both inside and out, with christmas decorations, which turns the short dark December days into a magical time.

On Thursday and Friday we went to stay in Yarm with Eric and Eileen Mason, and had a lovely time reminiscing about the early 60's in Malton. The Reverend Eric B.D. married Kerry the same time as he married me! The picture shows Eric, Eileen and Kerry going into the local Church!

On the way back to Harrogate, we called into Northallerton, to see my cousin Ann and her husband Brian. Ann grew up at Swinton Grange but is four years older than me. She also has a strong recollection about sledging and being nithered, and infact has written a poem about those days, including the sledging. Brian played football for Amotherby and then took up bowls and has represented Yorkshire at bowls. The bottom two photos show the winter lanes en-route to Grassington and the shop lights in Northallerton. Yarm and Northallerton are about 40 miles North of Malton and this visit was the first time both Kerry and I had been there. You just couldn't get decent horses when we were young.

NITHERED TO THE BONES

A word of explanation may be needed for Gary, who may never have been nithered. The daily temperatures for the last month have been varying between zero and 12 degrees C and when the wind decides to blow, childhood memories come flooding back - nithered being one of them. Extreme nithering happened when we went sledging -meaning tobogganing, not cricketing. We were clad in an old gabardine rain coat, welly boots with knitted socks, gloves and a balaclava. The last three were knitted by my mum.

How she knew to do all those things before television, is a mystery. A whole television industry has grown up in the UK on the correct way to dress, eat or to blow your nose etc. This is needed to balance the TV dramas which aim to demonstrate how to shout at people and behave badly. Jilly Cooper first coined the phrase, -- "the tele-ocracy" , and this bunch of the British work-force certainly has far more influence and status than say, the aristocracy.

Back to sledging. The cruel part arose because we wore short trousers -- summer and winter. (I guess the girls had dresses so had the same problem). When you fell off the sledge, which happened regularly, the top of the welly boots scooped up loads of snow, which had then to be levered out of the boots. The trudge home after a day's sledging was sheer agony. Soaking knitted socks, badly chapped knees, and a balaclava that kept your ears warm, but presented the mouth with a band of frozen saliva (slaver). Don't mention a runny nose! -- I won't.

The photographs show some scenes in and around Harrogate in winter. The first is near Grassington, on our way to pick up a famous Pately Bridge meat pie. The second catches Kerry hoping for a lucky LOTTO ticket.

The last one is included hoping to catch the attention of Helen Rolls. Helen has a lead role in the Panto Dick Whittington in Solihull this Christmas and we believe the production is still short of a horse. Kerry and I have been busy making up a short-eared donkey outfit. So far we have made the front and back, (shown modelled in the photograph), but have yet to make the middle bit. Helen, please note, we expect to -- "Neh", we will-- be ready in time for the Panto. I think that should guarantee me the front half.

CIDER CONFIRMATION

I have just received confirmation from the Australian Chapter of " the Knights that say ni" that the place where cider is made is called a Squashery !! (See comment on the previous blog).

However, in a rather disparaging exchange, a Harrogate neighbour (see above photograph) has just called around asking "Are you whackers from a nuttery?" If so, will you do a trade with these freshly harvested cannabis leaves?

WESTON - OLD SODBURY - BEDFORD THEN HARROGATE

We were right royally entertained in Weston Super Mare by Bruce and Pat, with a visit to the local garden centre and it's winter wonderland ( see photo) and to the Thatchers Cider Squashery. (Any advance on squashery?). On Thursday we took Molly, the new pup, for a walk on the Mendips, (see photo) then in the evening Steve, Jane, and their grown up kids, Tom and Vicky came round for a chat. We had a lovely time, lubricated with cider of course.

Friday became very cold, but on Saturday the temperatures improved and we decided to watch a bit of local soccer. We arranged to meet Jerry at the ground and then follow him to his beautiful home to stay the night in Old Sodbury. Tom (18) was playing for Locking, and the old war-horse Jerry (46)was playing for Hutton. We called at both grounds and found both were wearing No 9 shirts. Alan Shearer eat your heart out. The photo below shows Jerry in full flight giving the opposition a hard time. Clearly there is more to living in Old Sodbury than meets the eye. We stayed the night with Jerry and Anne and again had a lovely meal and chat.

On Sunday we headed to Bedford to stay with Pam (Kerry's surrogate Mum in Bromham) and George, and to catch up with friends from our Cranfield days. En route we called in on Martin and Jane Eshelby in Rushden and got an update on Cranfield University. The following day we visited Pat Chapman, took Pam and George for lunch in Goldington Green, visited Margaret and Mike Darlington, and caught up with Lisa Butterworth. (Bromham friend of Kerry Lou) In the evening we went to The Swan in Bromham and had dinner with Mick and Chris Darwood. Mick and Chris were our next door neighbours in Bromham and Mick - was and is - Mr football, Mr cricket, and Mr bowls in Bromham. We had a lovely meal and replayed a few tough games of football, winning all of them, of course. The photo shows a few old posers after an evening at The Swan in Bromham.

A LIVERPOOL PILGRIMAGE

On Saturday 17th November, under the expert guidance of local spiritual leaders David and Christine Jaggar, we visited three famous shrines in Liverpool: the cathedrals at Anfield, and those of the Catholic and Anglican churches (shown in order below).


The Catholic Cathedral is spectacular inside and is a must see. Surprisingly, Anfield pre-dates the Cathedrals which have only recently, been completed.


Having paid homage to these shrines we visited the other city icons, the Cavern and the famous marble urinals. The spiritual journey continued with an evening of blues music in Birkenhead played by the "Blues Band" led by Paul Jones, formerly with Manfred Mann.



Sunday arrived cold and cloudy and gradually became colder and darker. Undaunted, these intrepid travellers, journeyed to Aintree for the famous culinary delights of beef burger and chips at the indoor equestrian centre. This was followed by a visit to Albert Docks and the Tate modern art gallery. Only the most sensititive and artistic soul can appreciate the juxtaposition of Beechers Brook and a painting of a piece of dirty soap.


Our final Liverpool delight was the turning on of Christmas lights in Liverpool City centre. A spine chilling experience.



Exhausted by this hectic pace, the high priest of Anfield “Is Onner “ Dave Jagger headed off to North Wales to complete a walk up Offers Dyke. We headed to Porthcawl on the South Wales coast to visit cricketing tragedy and implacable Umpire Steve Kuhlmann (see bottom photo). During the wine fuelled discussions, the exploits of Wharley End Cricket Club attained new heights of success and achievement.


Our journey to South Wales via the M6, M5 and M4 was memorable because of our first sighting in 30 years, of snow, which covered the open ground in and around Birmingham.

MOLAR PAVLOVA AND WII

The previously un-named celebrity dentist and Wolds mountaineer has applied his talents to the development of a new pavlova known as the Molar Pavlova. The molar shown in the photograph is drilled then filled with an amalgam of raspberries and strawberries and finally capped with clotted cream. The dessert is designed to restore the lucrative levels of tooth decay that existed before the introduction of fluoride.



On Thursday 15th November, fuelled with pavlova, we headed South via Macclesfield to Liverpool. In Macclesfield we called to see our walking companion Bella and her owners David, Val, and children Katie, Andrew and Chris.

We enjoyed a lovely meal together and were then introduced to Nintendo's new gaming software Wii. Suppressing my prejudice againts electronic homicide, I decided to have a go and found that the games were mainly sporting (those that Andrew revealed to me) and with the hand held sensor I played tennis and golf, almost as badly as in real life. The following morning we took Bella for a walk, said our goodbyes and set off for the Pool, actually to the Wirral to be precise.

THIXENDALE IN NOVEMBER SUNSHINE

Thixendale lies in the Yorkshire Wolds only a few miles from Malton and is the spiritual home of a famous York dentist whose name, for professional reasons, cannot be published on such a high rating blog site as this.

In mid-November, just before the rambling season is curtailed by severe weather conditions, a well equipped international team, managed to conquer the upper slopes of Thixendale. Led by the afore-mentioned celebrity dentist, the team first took on supplies at base camp, colloqually known as the Cross Keys. The supplies can be clearly seen in any profile shots of the climbers and included a high energy food source called a PAINSBROKEHANDFULL Sandwich purposely developed for Wolds moutaineers.

Fortunately the weather held out, but as can be seen by the mid-afternoon shadows, trecking so close to the Arctic circle is a dangerous mission, and only the most experienced and well equipped teams are given approval.

Back in York the team was given an enormous reception and a lasagna, or was that an enormous lasagna and a reception. After treatment for mild frost bite, the team leader, accompanied by lasagna cook Tess, took off for a night of Rock and Roll at that famous international venue, the Bishopthorpe Social Club

TEKS YER BACK

This past week we visited friends and relations from way back, and reminisced about events which occurred before there were blog sites to record or distort the truth.

On the male side my childhood was spent at Sycarham Farm near Cloughton with Uncle Arthur (see October item on Monte Cassino) and Auntie Ivy, and cousins Derek and John.

Derek was a game shooter and horseman - see early photo of Derek on his thoroughbred. This was the horse which escaped down the main road into Cloughton which I managed to capture. Derek in the middle of the road with arms raised high - me leaping over a stone wall providing petrified support.

John was, and is, an accomplished painter. (see one of his early oil paintings of work horses.

On the female side, Kerry has fond memories of her school,Malton Grammar, (now Malton School) where her father attended as a pupil for five years, and after completing his degree at Leeds University, taught for forty years. His contribution is recognised each year with trophies which are presented to students for sporting accomplishment.

The awards night was held on 8th November and was organised and presented by the students. This year the Bruce Rolls trophies were expertly presented by Kerry, the daughter from far away Australia. We had a lovely evening. Earlier in the week we had a grand meal with family friend Audrey and her mate Joan. Audrey was a pupil of Bruce Rolls' and has visited us in Australia several times. She is now 85 and still very chirpy.

Events of note was a dinner with Dave & Jane, Butch & Alison, Ray & Janet, at the Stone Trough Kirkham.

On a lesser note, was a trip to Bootham Crescent with John, to watch York City get turfed out of the FA Cup by a team I have never heard of. Kerry noted that the language was not as colourful as the language in Macclesfield! Comments here have to be carefully crafted, as I am aware that John has now cracked the blog code and is developing advanced hacking skills.

NOVEMBER IN YORKSHIRE

Nature watch enthusiast and expert arborist Kerry Martin came up with the amazing fact that autumn in England peaks on 3rd November each year. We decided to put the theory to test. Base camp for the expedition is a brilliant B&B at the old railway station in Cloughton, North of Scarborough. The B& is in the beautifully renovated ticket office, and the &B included a cooked challenge each morning which neither of us could conquer.
Day 1 of the investigation (November 3rd) was organised by Beth and Simon who live in North Ferriby in East Yorkshire. Our six mile treck in crisp sunshine included part of the Wolds way. Pete and Judy were visiting Beth and Simon and completed the expeditionary team. (See photo) Verdict: The trees were really, really, really autumny.
Day 2 (November 4th) included a 7 mile sunny treck through Whisperdales, Hackness and Silpho in the North Yorkshire Moors. Verdict: (See Photographs) The trees were really, really autumny – even the evergreens.
Day 3 ( November 5th) was less adventurous. We toured the infamous East Yorkshire coast villages of Muston, Hunmanby, Flamborough, Foxholes and Flixton by Mazdarrati. Verdict: The leaves had left! They had taken their leave and were no more. They were deceased. The leaves had been deaded. They had dropped off their perch. They had flown the coup. They had popped their clogs. They had quit the carbon challenge. They had “coal-ed” it a day.
Conclusion: The above experiment provided conclusive evidence that November 3rd 2007 is definitely Derby Day in Victoria.