O LITTLE TOWN OF HARROGATE

AN ARROGATE CHRISTMAS IN YORK AND MALTON

We just could not buy a white Christmas and so made the most of an off-white, sort of greyish foggy, sometimes rainy, slightly damp, occasionally cold but not real frosty Christmas just like the ones we used to know. Where the tree tops glisten, and children listen through i-pods in the car.

On Christmas eve we started with a lovely meal at Manor farm, Ryton, with Dave and Jane. This was after I had visited "A Cut Above" the Malton hair stylist for discerning farmers located on the top floor, ney attic of the Yates farm supplies emporium. The best little snipper in the North.

We travelled to Ryton via Swinton Grange to photograph the house where I was born, the house where I was bred, and the school (now a house) where I was buttered. (See Photos).

Then in the early evening we took the A64 to see the Celeb D and his wife T. After a couple of J2O's in the Bishopthorpe working dentist's club, and some sliced meat in Garbett Way, we started a foggy pilgrimage to the replica of St Peter's - Rome, in Norton for mid-night mass. The road to Damascus got lost in the fog. The vicar who gave a very good sermon announced that the Norton St Peter's Church of England had approval to dispense the sacriment to non-conformist rif raf, and so I joined Kerry and John at the kneeling rail with those who truly repent or at least those who needed to.

We arrived back in Harrogate at 2.00am, but were soon back on our Garbett Way for Christmas dinner and present opening, at the home of the York celebrity dentist.

This self same dentist who prides himself with cooking and stuffing, provided a teast of furkey, three stuffings, sour fauces, ten vegitables and a flaming plum pud in a lake of brandy sauce.

The final of the Garbett Way darts competion was also held on Christmas day, but as with the Celebrity Come Dancing final, the result will not be announced until all the votes are in, and drug testing is complete. Remember if you want to vote for John dial 01324 567 4567 28 7 2345 65 23 45 89 01543864 247687 98234 3421 7643986 21 followed by 01

On Boxing day we joined 3,640 other disciples to cheer York city to a famous 2-1 victory over the high ranking H*%*$^?>!by United. Kerry must have some reason for sitting in a freezing soccer stand and watching non-league football. Could it be Racing Withdrawal Symptoms?

Finally, today the 27th December, we visited as surrogate neighbours, our close friends Stephen and Christine Upton at 20 Yew Tree Gardens for post Christmas drinks and nibbles. And so that was Christmas and a blogging 2007 draws to a close.

VEST WE FORGET

It is a Marks and Spencer, And I purchased one of three. "By thy long shirt store and vestibule, My investment has made me free.

"The changing room doors are opened wide, And I am keen to buy; The vests all fit, the fee is low: May'st hear the merry cry."

I held them with my skinny hand, "There was a shirt," quoth he. "Hold off! unhand me, greybeard loon!" Eftsoons his hand dropt he.

I took them to the counter bar The serving girl stood still, And listened like a three years' child: The shopper hath his will.

"The vest was bought, the bus was caught, Merrily did we ride, Oxford Street and Charing Cross, And on to Leyton’s Pride.

The sun came up upon the left, Out of the sea came he! He briefly shone on Macclesfield then Went down into the sea.

"And now the Storm-blast came, And he was tyrannous and strong: He struck with his o'ertaking wings, And blew us North, where we came from.

And now there came both mist and snow And it grew wondrous cold: In Glaisdale, York, and Harrogate the winter grip took hold.

And through the shirts, the Aussie shirts, Did send a dismal sheen: Nor sign of hat nor scarfe we ken - The ice was all between.

The ice was here, the ice was there, The ice was all around: It cracked and growled, and roared and howled, Like noises in a swound!

At length I found my Marks’ vest, From Marks' bag it came; As if it had been a Christian soul, We hailed it in God's name.

It warmed the air, it warmed the feet, And round and round I knew. The ice did split with a thunder-fit; The vest had got me through!

EH UP

On Saturday we went to a Christmas Concert at the "Harrogate International", which featured the famous Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band. The Band had recently won nearly every prize in the National Band competition, which must make them the most accomplished brass band in the world.

By gum it were right grand.

As declared in blog 1, on our trip to Blighty our aim was to re-aquaint ourselves with England’s green and pleasant land and traditions: and this was certainly one of them.
We stood with the large audience of “noo theners” and sang with gusto Elgar’s Land of Hope and Glory followed by a Yorkshire version of “Ark the Erald Hangels” which I recognised instantly.
Among a wide range of music, the band played a piece from Wagner’s Lohengren which was simply amazing.

WORLD EXCLUSIVE PHOTOGRAPHS

In spite of high security, the international photographer working for this publication has secured exclusive wedding photographs of the marriage of Nick and Nicola. On December 21st at a secret location in Yorkshire, Nick and Nicola tied the knot. Only close relatives were in attendance at the ceremony, but this blog site has learned that there will be a huge celebration next year when other family members, including the "We never miss a wedding Rolls' " roll in. This blog-site and it's international readership wish Nick and Nicola every happiness in their married life.

The international photographer and his wife were given rapturous applause when they were spotted in the audience at the pantomime "Sinbad the Sailor" at the Theatre Royal, York. The lead role of Dame played by actor Berwick Kaler, and - according to sources ,close friend of society dentist John Rolls, read out a special announcement welcoming the visitors from Australia. John and his sister spent an hilarious evening "booing" at the evil alien, shouting "He's behind you" at every opportunity, then singing the Yorkshire pudding song with enormous gusto. Which all goes to prove, a missed childhood can always be recovered.

Other events of this winter season included : A night of singing at the Harrogate International Centre, entitled "Beyond the Barricades", Lunch with Audrey and Joan at the (I thought it would be famous by now) Chinese restaurant in Scarborough, and an abysmal performance at the Dick Turpin quiz night to celebrate John's **th birthday.

HORSE HAIR, HUMAN HAIR, AND THE PRICE OF MEAT

The car temperature gauge read -1 C, the barbed wire fence agreed. From where did those fence decorations appear? The answer is: from horse hairs: But how does a single horse hair produce a 1/4 inch wide strip of ice? You tell me!

Human hair! Where was the picture taken? I can tell you. In Leeds market. If you want hair, then here is the place, a veritable hairem. And if you want meat, the market is also a right shambles of cheap chops, sheep shops and cheap shots - let me tell you.

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS -- WELL NEARLY

There is evidence of Christmas everywhere. The top two photos are from the little village of Grassington in the Yorkshire (Pennine) dales. Everywhere the shops are lighting up, both inside and out, with christmas decorations, which turns the short dark December days into a magical time.

On Thursday and Friday we went to stay in Yarm with Eric and Eileen Mason, and had a lovely time reminiscing about the early 60's in Malton. The Reverend Eric B.D. married Kerry the same time as he married me! The picture shows Eric, Eileen and Kerry going into the local Church!

On the way back to Harrogate, we called into Northallerton, to see my cousin Ann and her husband Brian. Ann grew up at Swinton Grange but is four years older than me. She also has a strong recollection about sledging and being nithered, and infact has written a poem about those days, including the sledging. Brian played football for Amotherby and then took up bowls and has represented Yorkshire at bowls. The bottom two photos show the winter lanes en-route to Grassington and the shop lights in Northallerton. Yarm and Northallerton are about 40 miles North of Malton and this visit was the first time both Kerry and I had been there. You just couldn't get decent horses when we were young.

NITHERED TO THE BONES

A word of explanation may be needed for Gary, who may never have been nithered. The daily temperatures for the last month have been varying between zero and 12 degrees C and when the wind decides to blow, childhood memories come flooding back - nithered being one of them. Extreme nithering happened when we went sledging -meaning tobogganing, not cricketing. We were clad in an old gabardine rain coat, welly boots with knitted socks, gloves and a balaclava. The last three were knitted by my mum.

How she knew to do all those things before television, is a mystery. A whole television industry has grown up in the UK on the correct way to dress, eat or to blow your nose etc. This is needed to balance the TV dramas which aim to demonstrate how to shout at people and behave badly. Jilly Cooper first coined the phrase, -- "the tele-ocracy" , and this bunch of the British work-force certainly has far more influence and status than say, the aristocracy.

Back to sledging. The cruel part arose because we wore short trousers -- summer and winter. (I guess the girls had dresses so had the same problem). When you fell off the sledge, which happened regularly, the top of the welly boots scooped up loads of snow, which had then to be levered out of the boots. The trudge home after a day's sledging was sheer agony. Soaking knitted socks, badly chapped knees, and a balaclava that kept your ears warm, but presented the mouth with a band of frozen saliva (slaver). Don't mention a runny nose! -- I won't.

The photographs show some scenes in and around Harrogate in winter. The first is near Grassington, on our way to pick up a famous Pately Bridge meat pie. The second catches Kerry hoping for a lucky LOTTO ticket.

The last one is included hoping to catch the attention of Helen Rolls. Helen has a lead role in the Panto Dick Whittington in Solihull this Christmas and we believe the production is still short of a horse. Kerry and I have been busy making up a short-eared donkey outfit. So far we have made the front and back, (shown modelled in the photograph), but have yet to make the middle bit. Helen, please note, we expect to -- "Neh", we will-- be ready in time for the Panto. I think that should guarantee me the front half.